By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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