If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I fill condoms, not promises.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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