I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
