oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
