Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
