i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
