hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
