If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
