I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
someone get that fucking seahorse.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
