I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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