May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
