Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
