that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
