but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
