Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
