I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
