i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
