I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
