Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
