Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Randomize
