You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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