Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
