I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
