Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
