We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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