when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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