two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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