I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
