remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
