I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
