He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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