what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
