All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
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