I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
