I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
