yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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