Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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