I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
