Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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