what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
