Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
