Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
