Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
