The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Sex in the backyard? Check.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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