the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
