If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
