CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
