Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
