now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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