New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
